It’s been 23 years since I escaped my abuser.
It still sounds strange saying that because I wasn’t raised in a home where I saw abuse (single parent home). My mother is an example of strength. I even had two loving fathers who would kill a brick over me.
I want to make note of that because from the outside looking in…maybe someone else would see it as there not being a reason for me to get caught up with someone we now would call a narcissist (we didn’t have that term back then).
When the truth of the matter is…we don’t teach our sons and daughters about the wolves in sheep’s clothing in the world. We don’t teach them that there is an enemy seeking to steal, kill and destroy. They know that verse, but we don’t describe what that actually looks like in the world we live in.
“He/She’s not controlling” – so, why aren’t you able to go anywhere without them, why do they monopolize all of your time, why don’t you do the things you use to love to do?
I wish my family knew the signs. Because this one right here was dominant in the beginning of our relationship.
- Taking your car (leaving you stranded)
- Taking your money (leaving you dependent – causing you to lose your job)
- Picking you apart in private (weight, hair, overall appearance, etc – anything to break you down)
- Isolation – keeping you from your regular routine and away from friends and family
- Physical/Sexual Abuse
- Degrading you in front of others with words that are condescending but acting as if they’re doing it out of concern
This merry-go-round never ends – least favorite ride in an amusement park (makes me dizzy, nauseous, and sick). You have to get off the ride.
When I left, I didn’t leave healed, confident, ready to take on the world. How many of you know that if you repeat this cycle of abuse over an extended period of time, it will have an affect on you…whether you think so or not.
I was broken, emotional, angry, confused, and suffered from an identity crisis (after all, he told me who I was during those years – and it was all negative). I had two children to raise. So, I couldn’t wallow in it.
Unfortunately, there are many who are not able to escape and have lost their lives to their abusers. This thought alone helped me to move forward in life. I had survived, but I wanted to thrive.
My first step was forgiveness: I had to forgive everything he had done to me. This was difficult in the beginning because I felt justified in my anger and unforgiveness. “Kimberly, you have a right to feel what you feel” – when I didn’t have any right at all to feel anything about this person God created. I felt as if he didn’t deserve it. Then, I can remember reading in Matthew 6:15 – but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Some of the stuff God will have us do…like forgive…reminds you that God is like none other and has called us to be peculiar.
Once I was able to forgive, I could begin to heal. I wrote out the healing verses in the Scripture and read them, applying the only thing that could mend my broken heart (ps. 147:3)
One of the things I use to tell one of my sons was to stop picking at the scab, it’ll never heal and could possibly get infected.
It’s the same with unforgiveness. When we choose (pick) not to forgive, we open it up continuously and infection (resentment, bitterness,…) sets in.
It takes longer to heal an infection than it does a sore.
Lean on my support: it was important for me to remember that there were people around me who loved me (relatives & community – family). Look around the room and take note of the survivors. When you need help, reach out. Stay connected.
Another thing I had to concentrate on is personal development: I didn’t want to ever be in an abusive situation again. I had enough awareness to do a self-examination asking the Holy Ghost to point out how I got in this situation to begin with.
In that time with the Lord, FLOW10: Mind & Emotional Detox Programs were birthed. The Lord began to download the steps to take in order for me to not just be free physically from the bondage of that relationship, but also free spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.
Lastly, it’s not enough to know what to do and not do it. We have to be hearer of the Word and doers as well in order to see results in our lives. So, I had to put theses principles in motion. It was hard work. I had to forgive over and over again, cry over and over again, say ‘yes’ over and over again…but, I wouldn’t give up.
Maybe you’re one who has suffered some abuse in your life and you’re trying to figure out ‘why me?’ Or you are the loved one to someone who suffered abuse, and you’re having a hard time forgiving or moving on. It doesn’t matter!
Know this…
You’re here to tell a story, break yokes in others’ lives, or find healing for yourself. The Father is standing with open arms ready to deliver you, comfort you, heal you, and finish the work He has begun.
If you’re interested in getting clarity, healing, and the tools to maintain a healthy mindset, text READY to (833) 871-7171 and get on the list.
The FLOW 